There are so many mornings when I am on my way to school, possibly doing my mascara in the car or fumbling with my stack of graded papers that had slid off the passenger seat into a huge lump on the floor of my car, that I pray for God to give me strength, patience, and understanding that day. What I have come to find out, though, is that when you ask the Lord for things like strength...patience...understanding...to be slow to anger...He doesn't just hand it over to you. Rather, he gives you the opportunities to learn and acquire and build those requested traits.
These opportunities to learn how to be patient are not easy. It's not like God says, Oh, you want patience? I will give it to you, without first making you face your sin and see the situations and moments where you aren't patient, and give you the opportunity to BE patient! To practice being patient, to learn how to be patient are very hard feats. But I am really thankful that God is giving me these opportunities, to be strengthened by him and to figure out how to simply just TRUST him.
My boyfriend told me that God wasn't king of my classroom; I had been living like I was the king of my classroom, that I have the utmost control over all of it and all that goes on and I couldn't just let go of it. The slaving away into the night and finding little time for fellowship, friendship, and rest has caught up with me a few times this semester, including last night when I found myself in the ER for the 3rd time in the past year for severe chest pain, which turned out to be esophageal spasms caused by stress. Almost passing out 3 times in the waiting room and wondering if I was going to live to see the next day, hour, minute, with a very worried boyfriend and mother by my side, it was yet another opportunity. God is so gracious to us, in that when he sees that we desperately need to surrender control and allow him to be king of our lives- every aspect of it- he gives us the opportunities to do so, because we are too dang weak and stubborn to do it without him intervening. So now as I sit at home and pray that the substitute at school is handling my rowdy yet lovable group of 20 first graders, I'm given the chance to learn to let go and trust God. That he is king of that classroom, that despite me he continues to work and guard it and rule over it.
The past month or so has been really amazing for me and my kids. We seem to finally have found our groove together, and things are still not perfectly smooth but a lot smoother. I feel like joy has been restored to me that I didn't have the first two or so months of school, and I no longer sit and question my calling or abilities to be a teacher. I know that God has led me to this school, this place, this group of children, and it is by his grace that I am what I am; they are what they are; and we gotta figure it out. Slowly but surely, our reading levels have gone up and leaders have stepped up in our class finally, leading others to doing the right thing. I'm proud of them and our slow progress is still progress. We also have had a lot of fun together; I feel like we laugh and sing and hug all day long, and although there are still times of stress or frustration, God has given me the opportunities to practice self control and submission and patience, so that I don't freak out over it.
I also have to admit that I am having a heck of a lot of fun doing crafty things this year. Last year they seriously stressed me out, but, I mean, the two days before Thanksgiving break this year were like a craft-a-palooza in my room. And I had a blast. I also admit that my kids and I had a 3-4 minute long dance party to a techno Nouns song last week, and I got some robots, some moonwalking, and some really spastic movements that I'm not sure you can call dancing. :) I'm beginning to see that I don't have to be just like other teachers I've seen or observed or taught with; that I don't have to fit into some perfect mold of a teacher; that I don't have to worry and fret that someone from admin is going to walk in at any time and think I'm a failure. Because I'm not. I'm finally beginning to embrace this gift that God has given me and stop throwing it back in his face. And I also am very strict about making myself leave by 5:30 so that I can internalize that I am not just a teacher, but a roommate, a sister, a daughter, a friend...a disciple.
Two weeks left until Christmas break. Gotta go make some snowmen and handprint Santas!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
The TRUE Confessions
"and why wouldn't you want to blog about this?
it shows people you're a human
and a teacher facing true trial
that's exactly what people want to read about."
Okay, Sadie Barton. Okay, world.
These...are the TRUE confessions...of a first grade teacher. Perhaps writing down the trials and the hardships that I am facing will help me to constructively, with the grace of God, fix them.
---
Everyday for the past few months, I have woken up in deep and utter prayer. Crying out to my Jesus for patience, peace, joy, happiness. For my students to be obedient, for my students to want to be at school, for my students to WANT to learn, and be able to learn. Please Lord, help us today. Be with us today. Be with my kids today...
I have felt for some time that my blogs were not authentic, and that if I did not post creative, cute stories of funny things my kids do or say, or sweet things that happen at school, that people would not want to read. Nor would people be interested. I have left this untouched, because of the lack of joy in what I do this year. The confessions I have right now at this point of the year are this: when is it going to finally click? When is it going to get better?
I feel like an Israelite wandering the wilderness, wondering when I'm going to get to the promise land, IF I'm going to get there at all. I have never done something this hard in my life, nor taken on a task such as this before. Maybe I have felt helpless from time to time, but for a beating day in and day out and no end in sight until next May, that is a really long time to feel helpless. I have tried anything and everything I can think of. I've changed how I teach time and time again, tried different ways to learn and do daily activities, different incentives...what have I done wrong this year? Where is the joyful first grade teacher I was? I long for her, and I miss her. I miss going to school feeling that what I do has a purpose and a positive, true effect on others.
But right now, I feel like my students look at me blankly as I do any and everything I can to get them engaged in learning, all in vain. This year, the passivity that I sense in the room is too much to handle. I love them, every single one; but it's almost as if they have no will or want to learn. This is a huge obstacle that I have to face, and one that I have yet to figure out. What is it going to take? How many times do I have to change myself or try to figure out what I'm not doing right or what I could do better? It has begun an ongoing spiral of frustration towards teaching, something that I know I love doing, something that I know the Lord has given me to do for his kingdom, but something that, over the past few months, has sucked me dry of joy.
I pray that through the writing and praying and seeking of truth that God will reveal to me the reality of my situation, and that he will continually remind me that the answer is to love Him and be loved by Him alone.
it shows people you're a human
and a teacher facing true trial
that's exactly what people want to read about."
Okay, Sadie Barton. Okay, world.
These...are the TRUE confessions...of a first grade teacher. Perhaps writing down the trials and the hardships that I am facing will help me to constructively, with the grace of God, fix them.
---
Everyday for the past few months, I have woken up in deep and utter prayer. Crying out to my Jesus for patience, peace, joy, happiness. For my students to be obedient, for my students to want to be at school, for my students to WANT to learn, and be able to learn. Please Lord, help us today. Be with us today. Be with my kids today...
I have felt for some time that my blogs were not authentic, and that if I did not post creative, cute stories of funny things my kids do or say, or sweet things that happen at school, that people would not want to read. Nor would people be interested. I have left this untouched, because of the lack of joy in what I do this year. The confessions I have right now at this point of the year are this: when is it going to finally click? When is it going to get better?
I feel like an Israelite wandering the wilderness, wondering when I'm going to get to the promise land, IF I'm going to get there at all. I have never done something this hard in my life, nor taken on a task such as this before. Maybe I have felt helpless from time to time, but for a beating day in and day out and no end in sight until next May, that is a really long time to feel helpless. I have tried anything and everything I can think of. I've changed how I teach time and time again, tried different ways to learn and do daily activities, different incentives...what have I done wrong this year? Where is the joyful first grade teacher I was? I long for her, and I miss her. I miss going to school feeling that what I do has a purpose and a positive, true effect on others.
But right now, I feel like my students look at me blankly as I do any and everything I can to get them engaged in learning, all in vain. This year, the passivity that I sense in the room is too much to handle. I love them, every single one; but it's almost as if they have no will or want to learn. This is a huge obstacle that I have to face, and one that I have yet to figure out. What is it going to take? How many times do I have to change myself or try to figure out what I'm not doing right or what I could do better? It has begun an ongoing spiral of frustration towards teaching, something that I know I love doing, something that I know the Lord has given me to do for his kingdom, but something that, over the past few months, has sucked me dry of joy.
I pray that through the writing and praying and seeking of truth that God will reveal to me the reality of my situation, and that he will continually remind me that the answer is to love Him and be loved by Him alone.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Top 7 Reasons Why I Love First Grade
1. I am so glad that I can sing anything to my students, at any time, and they deem it completely normal and regular. It's amazing how you can tell first graders to sit on their spots or to get off the wall with a regular voice and they don't do it, but then the moment you just sing those directions in whatever musical format, they suddenly seem to be listening and adhere to the request. Not to mention, singing songs like "If You're Happy and You Know It" or "Welcome to School" with them in the mornings to start our days always makes us smile.
2. I get to tell my students I love them every single day. I tell kids all day long, but I love how we go around in a circle during our morning meeting and I get to tell each one of them, "Good morning, I love you, and I'm glad you're here." About 3 weeks ago I was at my personal training at 24 hour fitness and my trainer kept ragging on me about all the days I DON'T come to the gym. I got ticked at him and said, "You never praise me for when I actually DO come!" It got me thinking-- I need to praise my kids and celebrate each day that they come to school. It's a miracle and a blessing that they are there.
3. First graders are hilarious. They do things like the following: "Miss Leiss, my thought-protector told me it wants a piggy back ride." ...and precede to put the 3-sided folder for protecting test answers on their backs and carry them across the room. Or they do things like take TPRI testing materials, such as letters to make and complete a word on a task sheet, and make them dance or choo-choo train to their places. They constantly crack you up because they have no idea about social cues yet, so they just do whatever they want, and everyone thinks it's ok. Like when they run about madly at recess like a ravenous monster, or care too much about power rangers. It's okay to everyone, and quite entertaining for me.
4. First graders have a very unique view of the world. They are extremely observant little human beings, and they notice everything. They are like sponges, soaking up all the stimuli around them, and it is amazing the things they tell me about-- what it's like at home, their adventures at Wal-Mart, or how they think babies come from outer space and are shot down like rockets out of the sky into their mommy's tummy. Most everything that goes on in their little worlds is so innocent and fresh, and to be able to laugh and think like a child with them keeps me younger still ;)
5. First graders have ENTHUSIASM! I am obsessed with the fact that they get just as excited as I do about the daily moon phase, weather, Watercolor Wednesdays, or new phonics rules. I can always count on them to be enthusiastic about what we do, and the thing is, I honestly really DO love knowing and teaching things like the daily moon phase. So it makes me happy that they care too!
6. Everyday is an up-and-down rollercoaster adventure. You cannot predict what will happen one day to the next. My team teachers in first grade and I are always sharing stories about our days during lunch, recess, and planning. The stories and ongoings of our crazy days rattle off and never seem to end for any of us. Whether a student threw up on the carpet at the same moment that a rat ran across the room and the children are all standing on the desks in fear (literally--that happened) or you have to cover up an "accident" on your brand new Ikea rug with a lion's face and tell everyone that it was a spilled water bottle...each day holds a new challenge or test of its own. But we are more than conquerors.
7. HUGS hugs HUGS hugs HUGS... all. day. long. The amount of hugs I get is insane. I even have one student who will give me a very soft kiss on the stomach sometimes. I always just kinda go, "okayyyy...thanks friend..." and have to smile to myself because, you know, he doesn't have a mom at home. And I'm glad that he can be affectionate with me...to a healthy extent, of course. It always makes me slow down and stop to smell the roses when I'm going going going and then one of my students gets up in the middle of the lesson or activity and I go, "Where should you be? What are you doing?" and they just come towards me and wrap their arms around me. I immediately realize that they just want to show me they love me and that they care, and they are happy to embrace me. It helps me to calm down and realize that what I do is so much more than just cramming in 4 subject areas into our schedule each day, and it always makes my heart better than it was the moment before the hug.
I know there are other reasons, but there you have it. I started with trying to make a Top 10 list, but I condensed it into 7 because I like 7. Haha. Until next time...let the first grade love abound!
2. I get to tell my students I love them every single day. I tell kids all day long, but I love how we go around in a circle during our morning meeting and I get to tell each one of them, "Good morning, I love you, and I'm glad you're here." About 3 weeks ago I was at my personal training at 24 hour fitness and my trainer kept ragging on me about all the days I DON'T come to the gym. I got ticked at him and said, "You never praise me for when I actually DO come!" It got me thinking-- I need to praise my kids and celebrate each day that they come to school. It's a miracle and a blessing that they are there.
3. First graders are hilarious. They do things like the following: "Miss Leiss, my thought-protector told me it wants a piggy back ride." ...and precede to put the 3-sided folder for protecting test answers on their backs and carry them across the room. Or they do things like take TPRI testing materials, such as letters to make and complete a word on a task sheet, and make them dance or choo-choo train to their places. They constantly crack you up because they have no idea about social cues yet, so they just do whatever they want, and everyone thinks it's ok. Like when they run about madly at recess like a ravenous monster, or care too much about power rangers. It's okay to everyone, and quite entertaining for me.
4. First graders have a very unique view of the world. They are extremely observant little human beings, and they notice everything. They are like sponges, soaking up all the stimuli around them, and it is amazing the things they tell me about-- what it's like at home, their adventures at Wal-Mart, or how they think babies come from outer space and are shot down like rockets out of the sky into their mommy's tummy. Most everything that goes on in their little worlds is so innocent and fresh, and to be able to laugh and think like a child with them keeps me younger still ;)
5. First graders have ENTHUSIASM! I am obsessed with the fact that they get just as excited as I do about the daily moon phase, weather, Watercolor Wednesdays, or new phonics rules. I can always count on them to be enthusiastic about what we do, and the thing is, I honestly really DO love knowing and teaching things like the daily moon phase. So it makes me happy that they care too!
6. Everyday is an up-and-down rollercoaster adventure. You cannot predict what will happen one day to the next. My team teachers in first grade and I are always sharing stories about our days during lunch, recess, and planning. The stories and ongoings of our crazy days rattle off and never seem to end for any of us. Whether a student threw up on the carpet at the same moment that a rat ran across the room and the children are all standing on the desks in fear (literally--that happened) or you have to cover up an "accident" on your brand new Ikea rug with a lion's face and tell everyone that it was a spilled water bottle...each day holds a new challenge or test of its own. But we are more than conquerors.
7. HUGS hugs HUGS hugs HUGS... all. day. long. The amount of hugs I get is insane. I even have one student who will give me a very soft kiss on the stomach sometimes. I always just kinda go, "okayyyy...thanks friend..." and have to smile to myself because, you know, he doesn't have a mom at home. And I'm glad that he can be affectionate with me...to a healthy extent, of course. It always makes me slow down and stop to smell the roses when I'm going going going and then one of my students gets up in the middle of the lesson or activity and I go, "Where should you be? What are you doing?" and they just come towards me and wrap their arms around me. I immediately realize that they just want to show me they love me and that they care, and they are happy to embrace me. It helps me to calm down and realize that what I do is so much more than just cramming in 4 subject areas into our schedule each day, and it always makes my heart better than it was the moment before the hug.
I know there are other reasons, but there you have it. I started with trying to make a Top 10 list, but I condensed it into 7 because I like 7. Haha. Until next time...let the first grade love abound!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The Return of Kiwi
This morning I had gotten little to no sleep, my mind was racing and I was sluggishly sipping a tea from Starbucks and carrying five baskets of teacher "stuff" into school when one of my new students, fresh off the school bus, tackled me in a full hug.
"Good morning, Miss Leiss!" "Good morning, sweetie." "Where are you going? Can I go with you?" "No, you have to stay here with the bus friends." "But why, Miss Leiss? I want to go with you! I always want to go with you." I literally had to pry his hands off of me; it was pretty funny. I started laughing and walked into school.
Then I entered my room and the chaos in my mind began again. I was organizing lessons, putting out morning work, and sharpening pencils when I heard a child at my door.
"HI, Miss Leiss!"
I turned and thought it was one of my own and tell them to go to the small gym until the bells rings. But it was my precious student Kiwi from last year's class.
"HI, Kiwi!" I told him. He paused at my doorway and said, "I think a good morning hug is in order." "You know, I really would love a good morning hug," I said back.
He squeezed me so tight and then replied, "Your classroom looks super super cool! It's really cool, but it's not like the real one."
I started to laugh as he left. Two students attacking me with hugs this morning and interrupting my crazy trains of thought. It's amazing how sweet and beautiful a child can be, and how they can completely turn my day around by just being themselves.
I adore first graders, and I got to explain why the other night. I love that they accidentally call me "mom" all the time. I get to be that person for them everyday! Me! What an honor. I love that they need a million hugs everyday. I love that they use too many band-aids on owies that aren't even needing one. I love that they dance around and sing silly songs with me. I love that I get to build their foundation of learning for them, and be a part of shaping the people they are going to be. I just love them.
As far as what Kiwi said, I knew what he meant. The layout of my classroom has changed quite a bit. There are different things on the walls, still in a mass of jungle leaves and animal prints, but it does look different. Kiwi, however, told me it's not like the "real" one. To him, what our classroom was like last year has been forever imprinted in his mind. He remembers it, and not only that, but he comes by most days in the morning for a "good morning hug."
I had a parent tell me yesterday that I just need to look at how far my kids came last year and how much they love me, and let it encourage me. Bless that parent, and bless all the others that continually push me forward and make me smile. My new group of kids are definitely getting there, and it's just the beginning. We've had a really good week together, and I'm starting to remember why I love doing this. I've gotten to love on my kids like no other. I've praised them endlessly, stopped focusing on what they aren't doing right, and started focusing on what they ARE doing! Things such as, it's a miracle these kids get to school on time- I praise them for that every day now, because truly it is; completing and doing excellent work, because that is quite a feat; giving answers, even if they are incorrect, because their participation is a wonder that not always comes as easy; and the fact that my kids are so into our chapter book, James and the Giant Peach, and are beginning to love reading. I have to learn to celebrate the small victories for now, just as much as the big ones!
I have learned a lot these first 4 weeks of school, perhaps more than my own students have. But I am so excited to continue. :)
"Good morning, Miss Leiss!" "Good morning, sweetie." "Where are you going? Can I go with you?" "No, you have to stay here with the bus friends." "But why, Miss Leiss? I want to go with you! I always want to go with you." I literally had to pry his hands off of me; it was pretty funny. I started laughing and walked into school.
Then I entered my room and the chaos in my mind began again. I was organizing lessons, putting out morning work, and sharpening pencils when I heard a child at my door.
"HI, Miss Leiss!"
I turned and thought it was one of my own and tell them to go to the small gym until the bells rings. But it was my precious student Kiwi from last year's class.
"HI, Kiwi!" I told him. He paused at my doorway and said, "I think a good morning hug is in order." "You know, I really would love a good morning hug," I said back.
He squeezed me so tight and then replied, "Your classroom looks super super cool! It's really cool, but it's not like the real one."
I started to laugh as he left. Two students attacking me with hugs this morning and interrupting my crazy trains of thought. It's amazing how sweet and beautiful a child can be, and how they can completely turn my day around by just being themselves.
I adore first graders, and I got to explain why the other night. I love that they accidentally call me "mom" all the time. I get to be that person for them everyday! Me! What an honor. I love that they need a million hugs everyday. I love that they use too many band-aids on owies that aren't even needing one. I love that they dance around and sing silly songs with me. I love that I get to build their foundation of learning for them, and be a part of shaping the people they are going to be. I just love them.
As far as what Kiwi said, I knew what he meant. The layout of my classroom has changed quite a bit. There are different things on the walls, still in a mass of jungle leaves and animal prints, but it does look different. Kiwi, however, told me it's not like the "real" one. To him, what our classroom was like last year has been forever imprinted in his mind. He remembers it, and not only that, but he comes by most days in the morning for a "good morning hug."
I had a parent tell me yesterday that I just need to look at how far my kids came last year and how much they love me, and let it encourage me. Bless that parent, and bless all the others that continually push me forward and make me smile. My new group of kids are definitely getting there, and it's just the beginning. We've had a really good week together, and I'm starting to remember why I love doing this. I've gotten to love on my kids like no other. I've praised them endlessly, stopped focusing on what they aren't doing right, and started focusing on what they ARE doing! Things such as, it's a miracle these kids get to school on time- I praise them for that every day now, because truly it is; completing and doing excellent work, because that is quite a feat; giving answers, even if they are incorrect, because their participation is a wonder that not always comes as easy; and the fact that my kids are so into our chapter book, James and the Giant Peach, and are beginning to love reading. I have to learn to celebrate the small victories for now, just as much as the big ones!
I have learned a lot these first 4 weeks of school, perhaps more than my own students have. But I am so excited to continue. :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
My Help Comes From the Lord
I look up to the hills,
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord.
Everyday, I feel like I have to walk in classroom P104 with a suit of armor on. I have no idea what the day is going to hold, if one (or many) of my students are going to be acting like a wild jungle animal, or if I am going to be able to make it to lunch before I have to desperately run to the bathroom. It is a lot of work, being a teacher. There are very high expectations for you to do your job-- not only to teach the children in your class, but to care for them, love them, and provide the environment they need to be successful and enjoy school.
This year has felt like a butt-kick so far, if I may be blunt. I have an amazing group of administrators that support me, a wonderful first grade team, and very supportive and helpful parents. But it's true that every new class is like a whole new year. I feel like I'm starting my first year all over again, trying to figure all these little 19 six-year-olds out, learn what makes them tick, what reading level they're on, what they look like when they aren't feeling well, how they react to change or consequence, what lengths they will go to make good choices or not. The past 3 weeks have been tough and challenging, but also very humbling for me. I went into the school year having a lot of pre-made plans, ideas, and thoughts of what the year would be like, how I would do CAFE/Daily 5 differently and more effectively, how I would be able to pull individual students or small groups, etc. The first day I learned quickly that any plan or thought I had about the year needed to quickly be erased, and fast, and that I needed to adjust accordingly to the students in my care.
It's a good reminder that the Lord knows our footsteps and knows our plan and our path. He has already set it out before us, and we try a lot of the time to figure things out on our own or make our own path to success or joy or happiness. Little did I know that this transferred to the teaching world as well. Turning my world upside down, I've been busting myself trying to do my job well and at the same time have a life outside of school. Last year I slaved myself away with cutting and sorting, planning and overplanning. This year, I have resolved to not do so, but to do what I need to do and then leave to go spend time with people and build relationships. It's very hard to leave my classroom and turn the key on some days, but I know that it is the healthy thing to do.
Just finishing Habakkuk as a church, Habakkuk cries out to the Lord questions like, "why are you doing this, God? Why are you forsaking your chosen people?" And the Lord replies that he is raising up the Babylonian enemies to destroy Israel, in order to one day crush the Babylonians and bring Israel back to himself. Habakkuk is like, "um, excuse me, what?" And the LORD is faithful; he remains unchangeable, unshakeable, and his plan continues for our good. A hard thing to wrap our minds around and accept sometimes is why God is doing what he is doing, and why it is for our good. But I just have to trust that every day God is doing his work in me for my good, and ultimately to bring Him the utmost glory.
I feel like I've been running ragged and it is all I can do everyday but surrender this class of 19 to my savior. Sometimes I even fail at that, and recognize I cannot do it on my own strength. I hope, though, to soon be able to notice the little things and funny stories that happen. I feel like we've been trying to find our groove so much that it hasn't been allowed to happen yet. I just pray for some joy to start abounding in here. I want to laugh with my kids. I want to share my life with them and my love, this love of Jesus with them. I just hope that it can start happening sooner than later.
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord.
Everyday, I feel like I have to walk in classroom P104 with a suit of armor on. I have no idea what the day is going to hold, if one (or many) of my students are going to be acting like a wild jungle animal, or if I am going to be able to make it to lunch before I have to desperately run to the bathroom. It is a lot of work, being a teacher. There are very high expectations for you to do your job-- not only to teach the children in your class, but to care for them, love them, and provide the environment they need to be successful and enjoy school.
This year has felt like a butt-kick so far, if I may be blunt. I have an amazing group of administrators that support me, a wonderful first grade team, and very supportive and helpful parents. But it's true that every new class is like a whole new year. I feel like I'm starting my first year all over again, trying to figure all these little 19 six-year-olds out, learn what makes them tick, what reading level they're on, what they look like when they aren't feeling well, how they react to change or consequence, what lengths they will go to make good choices or not. The past 3 weeks have been tough and challenging, but also very humbling for me. I went into the school year having a lot of pre-made plans, ideas, and thoughts of what the year would be like, how I would do CAFE/Daily 5 differently and more effectively, how I would be able to pull individual students or small groups, etc. The first day I learned quickly that any plan or thought I had about the year needed to quickly be erased, and fast, and that I needed to adjust accordingly to the students in my care.
It's a good reminder that the Lord knows our footsteps and knows our plan and our path. He has already set it out before us, and we try a lot of the time to figure things out on our own or make our own path to success or joy or happiness. Little did I know that this transferred to the teaching world as well. Turning my world upside down, I've been busting myself trying to do my job well and at the same time have a life outside of school. Last year I slaved myself away with cutting and sorting, planning and overplanning. This year, I have resolved to not do so, but to do what I need to do and then leave to go spend time with people and build relationships. It's very hard to leave my classroom and turn the key on some days, but I know that it is the healthy thing to do.
Just finishing Habakkuk as a church, Habakkuk cries out to the Lord questions like, "why are you doing this, God? Why are you forsaking your chosen people?" And the Lord replies that he is raising up the Babylonian enemies to destroy Israel, in order to one day crush the Babylonians and bring Israel back to himself. Habakkuk is like, "um, excuse me, what?" And the LORD is faithful; he remains unchangeable, unshakeable, and his plan continues for our good. A hard thing to wrap our minds around and accept sometimes is why God is doing what he is doing, and why it is for our good. But I just have to trust that every day God is doing his work in me for my good, and ultimately to bring Him the utmost glory.
I feel like I've been running ragged and it is all I can do everyday but surrender this class of 19 to my savior. Sometimes I even fail at that, and recognize I cannot do it on my own strength. I hope, though, to soon be able to notice the little things and funny stories that happen. I feel like we've been trying to find our groove so much that it hasn't been allowed to happen yet. I just pray for some joy to start abounding in here. I want to laugh with my kids. I want to share my life with them and my love, this love of Jesus with them. I just hope that it can start happening sooner than later.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Meet the Teacher
So here we are. Another school year, another group of little first grade students for me to have the pleasure and blessing to teach. I can't believe it's already been a year since I did this. At least this year I didn't stand to the side and refuse to talk to any of the kids because I wanted them to respect and fear me. Not to mention, I really did feel so much more confident this year. My anxiety and any hesitations or nervousness that I experienced last year as a new teacher were all gone this year, as I boldly talked to children and parents like I had a clue. Which, I proudly can say I do. :)
It was great getting to know them all, and to put on a happy face while doing so. I do feel that I am in for a great year. I know it will come with its challenges and I know that on Monday I DO need to let them feel the fear of Miss Leiss :), but tonight it was good just to help them feel good about being in our little jungle room. Oh, and not to mention, I totally dressed up as a safari guide. I wore a safari hat, a pair of binoculars around my neck, and I owned it for sure. I'm just hoping my new parents don't think I'm some crazy person.
My first post into my new year, and I can't wait to fill this little blog up again with sweet, hilarious, and thoughtful stories of my precious students. These are the confessions...of a first grade teacher.
It was great getting to know them all, and to put on a happy face while doing so. I do feel that I am in for a great year. I know it will come with its challenges and I know that on Monday I DO need to let them feel the fear of Miss Leiss :), but tonight it was good just to help them feel good about being in our little jungle room. Oh, and not to mention, I totally dressed up as a safari guide. I wore a safari hat, a pair of binoculars around my neck, and I owned it for sure. I'm just hoping my new parents don't think I'm some crazy person.
My first post into my new year, and I can't wait to fill this little blog up again with sweet, hilarious, and thoughtful stories of my precious students. These are the confessions...of a first grade teacher.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Camp!
This past week, from Thursday-Sunday, a team of 8 Americans from Hurst, Texas along with Brad, Janet, Elizabeth, Dave (all missionaries in Perm) and myself led an English Camp hosting 14 Russians. Some of the Russians were students, some were working adults. The ages ranged from 17-39 years old, but it seemed that everyone that attended was full of enthusiasm and excitement, willingness to play and learn and grow.
Janet, a girl named Yuliya, and I went a day early to the camp held in Kalinina, Russia, which is about 2 hours away from the city of Perm. It is a beautiful rural village set high upon some hills. The Russian landscape is absolutely breathtaking. I am so blessed to have gotten the chance to see it and escape the city for a few days, meeting new friends and exploring faith and friendship with these Russians.
Part 1: Camp
The first day of camp, it seemed that the group of Russians seemed to click right away with us. The Texan team had not arrived yet and we played a MEAN game of Ultimate Frisbee. I don't ever remember that game being so fun and intense. I can't wait to play when I get back to Texas with people! We also went for a walk in the village, going in and out of tiny little stores. The stores still were reminiscent of Soviet Russia, one store being still communist in nature where everyone shares everything they own and sells it again. As soon as the Texan team arrived, though, camp was underway!
Bring on the small meal portions of questionable meat, lots and lots of chai (Russian word for "tea"), games, classes about American life, and more. Everyday we held classes for the Russian students to choose from, including American Holidays, Travel, University Life, Idioms, Cooking (Mexican! yummy), Texas Worldview, American Sports, and Makeup and Beauty class. The Russians really enjoyed all of these classes and were amazed to learn about things such as college campuses being entire cities and our recreation center having two pools-- they saw a virtual tour of TCU and said it looked like Hogwarts-- also they were so pleased to learn some fun American slang and idioms, try queso and nachos, and find out that everything IS bigger in Texas! They wore the bandanas that Sean, one of the Texans, brought for the class the remainder of the camp. It was awesome.
The Russians that camp to this camp were seriously the cream of the crop that I've met here. They were so friendly, funny, and full of life. Each day was an adventure, whether we were playing hardcore games, trying to explain the confusing rules of kickball, swimming in the "lake" in the village, or going to the beautiful Russian Orthodox monastery together. We sang everywhere we went, the guitar got a LOT of use from Mark (an American) and myself, and had a great time learning from one another. I also experienced what a Russian "bana" pronounced bahn-yah is! It's this crazy room inside a log cabin with a SUPER HOT furnace, and you sit there with little to no clothing on and sweat, then get whacked all over your body with large branches of leaves...it was insane!
Part 2: Missions
The first day of camp I sat across the table at lunch from a student, we'll call him R. He is 21 years old and comes from a Muslim family, mostly by name only (not practicing). R is an atheist and right away he asked me about my key necklace. I told him that it means that God is the key to my life and that I am a Christian. He told me quickly that he is an atheist and does not believe in God. After asking him why and talking for almost an hour on the topic, people were listening in and finding it so interesting that we were having such an intense conversation so soon in the camp! It was totally God's doing though, because even though he was very adamant about his viewpoints and seemed very hardened to everything, God began his work in R that was visible to everyone around that day.
R would sit in the back of the room when Brad would teach about truth and Jesus, playing on his phone, putting headphones in, or even falling asleep. He acted like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the ideas Brad was presenting and made it quite evident that he felt so. He did not participate in singing and would plug his ears when we would worship! However, after all of this we began to watch the movie "The Parent Trap" when he came up to me and began an hour and a half's worth of questions about God, faith, everything from evolution and big bang theory to archaeology to the Bible being authority to different religions to sin, why people make up and create God because they need something to believe in, and so forth. He asked me question after question, hitting me on all sides where I wouldn't budge...asking me about original sin, telling me that he does not sin much and does not need to be saved from anything because he is a good person with a normal life, great family, and no troubles. He said that people create God for themselves because they are empty or have lots of troubles, and everyone that believes in Jesus seems to have done so because of some big event that happened to them first. It was really interesting and it continued for some time when finally I said, "You know, if you are saved R, it's not going to be by me. It's not going to be Brad, or any human being, because salvation is God's work. If he wants to save you R, he will do so. And I didn't bring any of this up...YOU did. Why?" Then he paused and looked at me for a minute and said, "Well, you know, I am wondering. I wonder about these things." There was the ticket...he was curious, he was seeking, and even though he defied everything I might have said, hearing that gave me a lot of hope.
The following few days R continued to ask me questions. We had lengthy conversations and he also spoke with other team members from America about these things as well. The last day of camp, R seemed different. His countenance had changed from hardened and stubborn to curious and open. He sat in the front row for Brad's teaching. He sang along at worship time. He continued to spend time with me and ask me questions, and when I invited him to our home church yesterday afternoon, he said he would think about it.
R ended up coming to our home church. He came and when Brad had us pair up with someone in the room to pray, he immediately looked at me and summoned me to come partner with him. He confessed that he didn't know how to pray, what prayer was like, and wanted to know. I explained to him how Jesus had taught the disciples to pray, acknowledging that God is a heavenly almighty being who deserves praise, glory, and thanks, but also a close and intimate Father whom we can talk to, go to for comfort and strength, tell our thoughts and feelings and desires to and be open with. There is no right or wrong way to pray, it's having a conversation with God, and so Brad and I took turns praying with R. After the service, R stayed after and asked me questions about salvation, sex before marriage, hypocrisy and why Christians continue to sin or do bad things even when they are saved, and eventually said to me..."Well, if certain things are sin, and I have done them already, then I cannot be saved. I cannot be a Christian because I've already done those things." It was so amazing to then look at him breathlessly and tell him that is the whole point of salvation and forgiveness-- that Jesus died and took the punishment for our sins so that if we believe in Him and put our trust in Him, then our sins will be forgiven and every sin we have ever committed is forgiven and washed away, we are cleansed and are new creations and God changes our hearts and lives...it was so amazing to see him and his curiosity, his questioning, and his demeanor towards Christianity change over a matter of 4 days. He then asked, "What if I become believer, and my friends banish me and no longer want me around?" I showed him the verse from John 12 where Jesus talks about if a grain of wheat falls along the ground but does not die to itself, it does not grow or produce anything, but if it dies to itself it grows and produces a good crop...that he who follows Jesus and leaves their houses, families, and everything they own will gain Christ which will be far better...
R is spending time with us tomorrow all day long. I ask you to please pray for his soul, that He will embrace the beautiful love and grace and salvation that Jesus is offering him.
It's funny, when I came here I did not expect to lead a Russian boy to know the Lord. God is so good, working out all things for the good of those who love him, and although the past week was extremely challenging and there were times I would cry and pray aloud to him to rescue me from the unbelief I had, I am so thankful for it. I'm thankful for the American team for putting on the camp so that 14 Russians can hear about Jesus and see him lived among their lives and ours. Praise Him!
Part 3: Monastery Pictures
Oh, we also visited this awesome monastery in Kalinina, very famous in Russia. It was breathtaking and beautiful and glorious, and I even got a bottle of "holy water" from a priest. Sweet!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Privet from Perm, Russia!
"Doors of Happiness"...and I am welcoming you to my updated Russian blog to say...privet!
"Privet," pronounced pree-vyet, is "hello" in Russian. Which I have desperately been trying to learn since I arrived here! Actually, I started to try to learn the Russian alphabet and some basic phrases when I was in the airport at JFK, having met a Russian woman who did NOT understand why I would try to go do ministry in a country where I didn't speak the language. Whoops.
Since I've arrived in Perm, my life has drastically changed. It is so different here, so interesting, and nothing, nothing at all like I expected. Nothing. Perm is a city of about 1 million people, 9% of which live in the outskirts in the more forest-y areas, and 91% of which live in the city, where I currently am residing. It is jam packed with people, everyone you walk, drive, and go. The streets are full of cars that don't obey traffic laws like "pedestrians have the right of way"-- nope, CARS do! Watch yourself or you're gonna get run over, seriously. They also don't care about right-of-way rules; they just go as they please, cut people off constantly, don't wait on others. The general attitude of the Russian people is "me-first"; it is their mentality and the way that they operate in anything they do. Nobody holds doors open for each other (I've had several slam in my face!) and people speed-walk next to you and walk right in front of you; people are always trying to be the first in line, first in the door, and so on. It is crazy...so unlike Southern Hospitality/Southern Gentleman mentality that exists in Texas! That has definitely taken some time getting used to.
I am living in an apartment, or a "flat" they call it, right outside the center of the city. Everyone here lives in an apartment, there are no houses except in the forest areas of Perm. The city is literally lined, street after street, with tall apartment buildings. People in Russia are very poor, and the city is crowded and there is no room or need for houses. People here really live off of the least they can-- minimal living is quite a theme here. It's interesting because for as little money as they have, there are a lot of people outside all day everyday, walking in their best clothing and high heels, shopping! The people here dress up mostly; some are dressed casually, but most people are dressed in very tight skirts or dresses and very tall shoes. The men are dressed differently though-- I saw many wearing the nike running shorts that are so popular for women in the US-- and they are all big fans of bright, neon colors and short shorts. It's definitely interesting to see the women so fashionable and trendy just to go to the store, where the men are dressed so casually, and sometimes/often are shirtless walking around, in the cyHePmaPket (supermarket!). For the most part though, the city is very modernized. You don't see women walking around like little babushka women as I had pictured...some do, older women do, but not many.
It has been really awesome to get to meet and spend time with Russian girls while I've been here. I have spent most of the past several days with a few wonderful women. Tanya, who is an English teacher (and this past week was awarded English Teacher of Perm Award!) is a volunteer tour guide for the "White Nights" festival that has been going on in the city of Perm for the entire month of June. The reason it is called White Nights is because the sun does not set in Perm during the summer until midnight or later! It also rises at 4 a.m. or around then. It is crazy looking out the window right now at 11:45pm and it still being somewhat light outside! Tanya has taken me on what she calls several "excursions," to extremely exotic contemporary and modern art museums, to Russian Orthodox temples, to the beloved Kama River that put Perm on the map.
(Russian Orthodox church head coverings...I had to put one on to go inside the exhibit!)
Tanya has been extremely helpful during my time here so far-- getting me from point A to point B as I try to master the trolley/tram system here; helping me go on my first grocery shopping trip, which was quite an adventure that the women I spend time with STILL talk about how I didn't know how to do anything there; and keeping me quite entertained while we've been here. Lucky for me, Tanya also is very interested in dance shows, which is like a dream come true! We have seen everything from Russian Traditional dance, to belly dancing (women AND men), to kids shows to break dancing...it has been quite a fun week with Tanya!
From left to right: me, Olga, Tanya, Lena.
Tanya says she is a believer but seems very closed to talking more openly about it. I feel good, though, because God is the one in charge of salvation-- not me!-- and so I pray with her, talk openly with her about scripture I read that morning or about how God has changed my life, answer questions, etc. but she still is a closed book. I am praying that God continues to allow us to have time together and that it continues to be intentional.
Other women I've spent time with include a woman named Olga, who has accompanied us on our excursions and who is helping me with the worship at our home church tomorrow. The family I am staying with, the Hornes, hold a Sunday "home church" gathering at 3pm where they meet in the different homes of the missionary team that is here in Perm. This Sunday happens to be here in our flat; however, Brad and his family are out of town in Turkey, so guess who Brad trusted to go on with the show? Yes, me. I am headed to the grocery store tomorrow for snacks and preparing lots of hot tea tomorrow for the guests we will have in our home church. I cannot speak Russian sadly, so Olga is going to help me pick songs for worship time and lead the Bible/Book study that the group has been going through the past few weeks. I am very blessed that Brad trusts me enough to have people in his home and help lead them in a service of community and worship.
Dasha and I in the modern art museum.Another girl I have spent time with is a girl named Dasha, who quickly became my closest friend in Perm :) we spent all yesterday together, from about 1 pm to 7:30 pm, and she speaks really good English because she lived in the states for some time. Dasha loves the Lord and was a great encouragement to me yesterday. We walked for hours talking together, and she joined Tanya and I on some museums and exhibits. We are spending time together again on Monday, where she is going to cook for me! Dasha is a very capable and talented photographer as well. Many of the pictures from yesterday were taken by her...hence, if you happen to look on facebook at them, there seems to be too many of me. She kept wanting to take them, and it felt rude to say no! I am glad that God has given me someone like her to spend time with and get to know and encourage one another.
"Galleria," or Art Gallery, containing old relics and Russian Orthodox art. Extremely fascinating.
Another woman is Elena, or Lena I hear the others call her. Lena is quiet and seems hard to read, but she is always smiling, which is very contrary to the Russian culture! She is Tanya's best friend and always joins us when we go places. For some reason, God has put Lena on my heart since I've been here, and today God opened a lot of doors for conversation. Bless Madi Greer for her key necklace that captured me two summers ago, because when I wear the key necklace I have around my neck, it is a constant conversation starter about Jesus. Lena asked me today what the key was for and I was able to explain to her what it meant, and I did share a short version of Madi's story (if you do not know who this is, do not worry...it is just a great story of redemption, how God is our ultimate father and the key to our lives, the key to every thing in life...happiness, joy, success...). Lena seemed really interested and we continued to talk together the entire tram ride home about it and what God means to us. I asked her what God meant to her, since she told me she was a believer but does not practice anything very often. I was able to speak with her about my story and testimony when I was 18 about how God became more real than ever to me, rescued me from myself and my sin, and chose to show his love to me...and how because of that, I just want more of his love. I want more of him, I want to know more, see more, feel more of him. She seemed very intrigued by what I was saying, and although she did not say much, she was intently listening. It came so naturally, in that we had built a friendship the past week together and the conversation felt natural and not forced. I am excited for further interactions with these women, and feel that as we continue to be friends and trust is built, that things are bound to happen...I spoke with my dad tonight afterwards, and he was very comforting with his words: that God will open the hearts of those whom he chooses, and thus I can only speak truth into people's lives and pray that God touches them and uses my words for his glory.
Did you know Wooly Mammoths were discovered in the Perm region? Yeah, they even found a 7 month old one frozen in the ice. But here are some cool bones. :)
Other than that, I have enjoyed getting used to the city. I have met many girls and exchanged phone numbers with them and plan on making plans with them this upcoming week. I spoke to 2 girls that go to the university here a few days ago, and they work in the tourist office. They told me they would love to spend time with me and practice English, which seemed like a great opportunity to get to know them and eventually share Jesus with them. I am excited to see what progresses and feel so blessed by Brad, in that he has gotten me set up with so many girls already; and mainly by the Lord, in that he has placed people directly in my life to share my time in Perm with.
This is the center of the city on Lenin Street, where I have been spending most of my time with my friends...AND, it is a great thing to recognize when I am uncertain of where I am :)I am missing home, and sometimes feel anxious about what is to come when I return, so I ask that any prayers would be to settle anxiety about things at home or things that will come with the new school year. I want to be fully focused and all here, and I want to not be so nervous about such things to where I lay in bed at night already planning and trying to be in control! I also ask that you continue to pray for my safety. The city feels safe, and I am now navigating the streets alone, and I just pray that continued safety and understanding will be with me as I try to read Russian street signs and remember where my flat is :)
Oh, and did I mention that I absolutely LOVE the Horne family? They are so completely amazing. Hospitable, kind...the children are so precious (if you call them children...16, 14, 12, 10). Jenna, the youngest, is my roommate, and she made me breakfast in bed on my 3rd day here. And did I mention they have a fat grey cat named Asher? Yeah, I'm pretty much obsessed. And he has orange eyes!
Baka ('bye' in Russian) or Do svedanya until next time... :)
Whitley ("Rebecca," as many Russian friends also know me, as it is easier to say!)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Field Day
My first Field Day experience was a notable one, one I will never forget.
We had the kids rotate as full classes to five different stations. The first station was the Water Fun station. At this station, my kids got soaked head to toe. They played games like "pass the sponge over your head and get wet" relay, "walk to the bucket with a smaller bucket with holes in it and water dripping on your head" relay, and this really funny one where one student was sitting on a chair with a 2 Liter coke bottle, and the other filled up a cup with water, then ran to the student to pour the water into the tiny opening in the 2 Liter bottle. It was utterly hilarious. Not to mention, my kids thought it would be SUPER funny to splash water all over me and my shorts. However, the kicker part was that I seriously wanted to play too. I wanted to get drenched head to toe and kind of kicked into Camp Counselor mode, making my students cheer for one another every single time and jumping up and down. I had to remind myself several times today that it just wasn't professional to get soaked as the teacher.
The second station was the sack race and 3 legged race. I wish I had captured these moments on camera. Students were falling and flying EVERYwhere. There was one bigger student who was literally dragging another girl student across the field in the 3 legged race. And, of course, Kiwi insisted on doing the sack race backwards. He jumped, in the sack, backwards all the way very slowly and carefully. It was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
The third station was a relay station with a huge rubber ball that the kids had to roll across the field, around a cone, and then back to the line for the next person. Trouble with this was that the ball was taller than some of my smaller students. I was out of breath running and puffing with my kids, trying to not let them go too far off the path to where they were in a different station they had gone so far off, and worked up a good sweat. Kiwi actually rolled over the huge ball and fell on his back. I stifled laughter but he was content and ok.
Our fourth station was a relay with hurdles and a baton. It was so cute to see my kids run hard, jump and clear (or, sometimes, not clear) hurdles, and work together as a team. I think that our class had the best cheerleaders by far, which, funny to say, was mostly the boys that kept cheering everyone's name the whole time. It was a really proud moment to see all of them pull together and root for one another like that. Nobody got angry at each other, nobody blamed anyone for anything. It was such a sweet time.
Last but not least was the TUG-O-WAR. This was so classic, in that one of the first grade classes has a really tall, bigger student who probably could single handedly beat any full class. It was hilarious to watch him just simply pull on the end and walk backwards and defeat any team. At the end, though, we had a boys vs. girls Tug-O-War where my girls faced my boys on the rope. The girls, proud to say, WON! It was one of the biggest celebrations of the day, but the fun part was when the parent volunteers and teachers played each other. My side won, naturally. I have some pretty stinkin' awesome and stellar parents who got their hands dirty on the rope and led us to victory.
My competitiveness came out today, but it was so, so cool how God helped me to rein it in. I was afraid that it would come out and I would get into my super-hyper-competitive mode, but for me, today went really well. It was nothing like my Mission Impossible experiences at Sky Ranch where I made it all about winning, me, and not the kids having fun. Because regardless of who won today or how well we did, my kids and I had a great 2nd-to-last day of school together. Field day was a blast; my kids almost knocked me over by dog piling around me in a huge group hug; I was able to run, jump, and help my kids; I bathed each of them with sunscreen this morning before going outside; it was a really interesting experience. I just kind of got a glimpse of how God must feel, so proud of his children in anything they do and just wanting them to enjoy life and what they are given. Not to mention, in that I also wanted the best for them, to take care of them and spend 20 minutes putting on the sunscreen I had actually brought for myself on all of their sweet little faces, arms, and legs. I have been blessed beyond belief this year, and I can't believe it's over tomorrow.
This week has been a really confirming and sweet one. I have outstanding supportive parents who have encouraged me all week with gifts, cards, and their presence in my classroom and events. I have 21 super, spectacular first graders who after tomorrow will be 2nd graders. I hope that I have prepared them well, but most of all when I look back at the past year, I keep asking the question: Did I love them well, and did I teach them how to love well too? I have realized that it is the character that counts in a person. You won't hire the smartest person or most talented person at something if their character is poor, if they are disagreeable or unkind. You're going to trust and hire or befriend the person with upstanding character and kindness and love. That's what I hope my kids gained this year-- an inside look at what that looks like and is supposed to be. It was so crazy writing in all of their yearbooks yesterday, taking careful time to write personal messages to each one. But I want them to be able to look back at that one day, maybe when they are feeling unloved, or like they have failed at everything, or that they won't amount to anything in life, and know that I love them. I think they are superstars. And that I believe in them, all of them, in all that they do and will ever be. I want them to know that there is at least one person out there who feels that way about them, and maybe it will make a difference. But most of all, more than anything, I pray that God sheds his sweet grace on all of them. I know that some of them will know Him, and some of them won't, but I pray for each of them that they will one day experience the sweet love of Jesus. I know that is a bold statement and maybe not one to make publicly, but it is true. Because even if they forget about me, they will still have someone who is their #1 fan, their #1 confidant, their #1 companion who loves them and believes in them more than anyone on earth possibly could. Yeah, that is my prayer for them.
So I think, before I start weeping here, that I will end with this. God, thank you for blessing me immensely with the past year of my life. It has made me more selfless, made me more into the likeness of you and into your image, it has shown me unselfish and unconditional love, and it has made me into a better person. I love these children so much, and thank you for sharing them with me.
Maybe I'll have more to say in reflection after the year truly ends, but this are the last words I really have. Tune in for my adventures sharing the gospel in Russia this summer for five weeks. Who knows what he'll do next?
We had the kids rotate as full classes to five different stations. The first station was the Water Fun station. At this station, my kids got soaked head to toe. They played games like "pass the sponge over your head and get wet" relay, "walk to the bucket with a smaller bucket with holes in it and water dripping on your head" relay, and this really funny one where one student was sitting on a chair with a 2 Liter coke bottle, and the other filled up a cup with water, then ran to the student to pour the water into the tiny opening in the 2 Liter bottle. It was utterly hilarious. Not to mention, my kids thought it would be SUPER funny to splash water all over me and my shorts. However, the kicker part was that I seriously wanted to play too. I wanted to get drenched head to toe and kind of kicked into Camp Counselor mode, making my students cheer for one another every single time and jumping up and down. I had to remind myself several times today that it just wasn't professional to get soaked as the teacher.
The second station was the sack race and 3 legged race. I wish I had captured these moments on camera. Students were falling and flying EVERYwhere. There was one bigger student who was literally dragging another girl student across the field in the 3 legged race. And, of course, Kiwi insisted on doing the sack race backwards. He jumped, in the sack, backwards all the way very slowly and carefully. It was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
The third station was a relay station with a huge rubber ball that the kids had to roll across the field, around a cone, and then back to the line for the next person. Trouble with this was that the ball was taller than some of my smaller students. I was out of breath running and puffing with my kids, trying to not let them go too far off the path to where they were in a different station they had gone so far off, and worked up a good sweat. Kiwi actually rolled over the huge ball and fell on his back. I stifled laughter but he was content and ok.
Our fourth station was a relay with hurdles and a baton. It was so cute to see my kids run hard, jump and clear (or, sometimes, not clear) hurdles, and work together as a team. I think that our class had the best cheerleaders by far, which, funny to say, was mostly the boys that kept cheering everyone's name the whole time. It was a really proud moment to see all of them pull together and root for one another like that. Nobody got angry at each other, nobody blamed anyone for anything. It was such a sweet time.
Last but not least was the TUG-O-WAR. This was so classic, in that one of the first grade classes has a really tall, bigger student who probably could single handedly beat any full class. It was hilarious to watch him just simply pull on the end and walk backwards and defeat any team. At the end, though, we had a boys vs. girls Tug-O-War where my girls faced my boys on the rope. The girls, proud to say, WON! It was one of the biggest celebrations of the day, but the fun part was when the parent volunteers and teachers played each other. My side won, naturally. I have some pretty stinkin' awesome and stellar parents who got their hands dirty on the rope and led us to victory.
My competitiveness came out today, but it was so, so cool how God helped me to rein it in. I was afraid that it would come out and I would get into my super-hyper-competitive mode, but for me, today went really well. It was nothing like my Mission Impossible experiences at Sky Ranch where I made it all about winning, me, and not the kids having fun. Because regardless of who won today or how well we did, my kids and I had a great 2nd-to-last day of school together. Field day was a blast; my kids almost knocked me over by dog piling around me in a huge group hug; I was able to run, jump, and help my kids; I bathed each of them with sunscreen this morning before going outside; it was a really interesting experience. I just kind of got a glimpse of how God must feel, so proud of his children in anything they do and just wanting them to enjoy life and what they are given. Not to mention, in that I also wanted the best for them, to take care of them and spend 20 minutes putting on the sunscreen I had actually brought for myself on all of their sweet little faces, arms, and legs. I have been blessed beyond belief this year, and I can't believe it's over tomorrow.
This week has been a really confirming and sweet one. I have outstanding supportive parents who have encouraged me all week with gifts, cards, and their presence in my classroom and events. I have 21 super, spectacular first graders who after tomorrow will be 2nd graders. I hope that I have prepared them well, but most of all when I look back at the past year, I keep asking the question: Did I love them well, and did I teach them how to love well too? I have realized that it is the character that counts in a person. You won't hire the smartest person or most talented person at something if their character is poor, if they are disagreeable or unkind. You're going to trust and hire or befriend the person with upstanding character and kindness and love. That's what I hope my kids gained this year-- an inside look at what that looks like and is supposed to be. It was so crazy writing in all of their yearbooks yesterday, taking careful time to write personal messages to each one. But I want them to be able to look back at that one day, maybe when they are feeling unloved, or like they have failed at everything, or that they won't amount to anything in life, and know that I love them. I think they are superstars. And that I believe in them, all of them, in all that they do and will ever be. I want them to know that there is at least one person out there who feels that way about them, and maybe it will make a difference. But most of all, more than anything, I pray that God sheds his sweet grace on all of them. I know that some of them will know Him, and some of them won't, but I pray for each of them that they will one day experience the sweet love of Jesus. I know that is a bold statement and maybe not one to make publicly, but it is true. Because even if they forget about me, they will still have someone who is their #1 fan, their #1 confidant, their #1 companion who loves them and believes in them more than anyone on earth possibly could. Yeah, that is my prayer for them.
So I think, before I start weeping here, that I will end with this. God, thank you for blessing me immensely with the past year of my life. It has made me more selfless, made me more into the likeness of you and into your image, it has shown me unselfish and unconditional love, and it has made me into a better person. I love these children so much, and thank you for sharing them with me.
Maybe I'll have more to say in reflection after the year truly ends, but this are the last words I really have. Tune in for my adventures sharing the gospel in Russia this summer for five weeks. Who knows what he'll do next?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Numbers to Know
Number of Easter Eggs I dyed two Fridays ago: 21.
Number of TCU watercolor paintings made for me last Friday: 5.
Number of TCU paraphenelia I received for my birthday: 4. A TCU license plate cover, a TCU insulated cup, a TCU door mat, and a TCU scentsy candle.
Number of 3D shapes used to build and identify with on Thursday: 300.
Number of days we have been in school: 162.
Number of days left until school is out: 10.
Number of times I am hugged per day: probably 50.
Number of times I feel like I should write or record the Kiwi Eyeball Chronicles: probably 7 times per day. Nothing he does or says should go unwritten. I wish I could stop and record everything he does for you all, but I know I just won't even begin to capture it all.
Number of times I have redone my classroom layout this year alone: 12.
Number of chalk drawings in my honor this year: 100+.
Number of caterpillars turned butterflies: 4.
Number of squares to fill a hundreds board in under 4 minutes: 100!
Number of papers I need to grade and organize this weekend: too many.
Number of cadets in my Second Grade Boot Camp: 21. They all have the chance to move up to general, officer, and commanders by the number of good choices they make.
Number of ranked Officers: 21.
Number of ranked generals: 4.
Number of ranked Commanders: 1.
Number of times I might lose my cool every now and then because one student just WON'T sit down, or one WON'T stop coming up to me instead of raising their hand: eh...maybe every now and then. ;)
Number of times I smile each day because of how great my kids are: countless.
Number of TCU watercolor paintings made for me last Friday: 5.
Number of TCU paraphenelia I received for my birthday: 4. A TCU license plate cover, a TCU insulated cup, a TCU door mat, and a TCU scentsy candle.
Number of 3D shapes used to build and identify with on Thursday: 300.
Number of days we have been in school: 162.
Number of days left until school is out: 10.
Number of times I am hugged per day: probably 50.
Number of times I feel like I should write or record the Kiwi Eyeball Chronicles: probably 7 times per day. Nothing he does or says should go unwritten. I wish I could stop and record everything he does for you all, but I know I just won't even begin to capture it all.
Number of times I have redone my classroom layout this year alone: 12.
Number of chalk drawings in my honor this year: 100+.
Number of caterpillars turned butterflies: 4.
Number of squares to fill a hundreds board in under 4 minutes: 100!
Number of papers I need to grade and organize this weekend: too many.
Number of cadets in my Second Grade Boot Camp: 21. They all have the chance to move up to general, officer, and commanders by the number of good choices they make.
Number of ranked Officers: 21.
Number of ranked generals: 4.
Number of ranked Commanders: 1.
Number of times I might lose my cool every now and then because one student just WON'T sit down, or one WON'T stop coming up to me instead of raising their hand: eh...maybe every now and then. ;)
Number of times I smile each day because of how great my kids are: countless.
Monday, April 18, 2011
30 Days and Counting
Today began like any other school day. My students got started on their morning work, I checked planners and folders for notes from parents, we sang our "Welcome to School" song and merrily did the dance moves right to it. But when the song was done, I looked at my friends and said, as always, "Good morning, first grade." They always reply with, "Good morning, Miss Leiss." At this point I tell my kids, "Let's make today a GREAT day." But today, I said this: "Guess what, first grade?" "What, Miss Leiss?" "I didn't know if you knew this or not. But we only have 30 days left together. So let's make today a great day. Let's make each day count. What do you think?"
Instant sadness.
"Only 30 days left?" "What?!? 30 days? That's it?" "Can we make school longer?" "I don't want to leave!"
It's not only hard for my students to believe, but also for me, that there are only 6 weeks left of this school year. What a beautiful, messy, ordained year it has been. I have come to love a group of 20 students as if they were my own children, feeling more like a mother figure than an educator, students now with tears in their eyes not wanting to leave me.
Trust me, little ones, I don't want you to leave me, either.
I have realized that I am going to be one insane parent one day. I'm going to go nuts the day I have to drop them off in Kindergarten, or even preschool, or even with a babysitter. It amazes me that these parents and caregivers trust us as educators each day to take their children in and help them become who they are meant to be. What if someone can't do it? What if someone can't do it as well as I can, help my child see their potential and bring out the best in them? What if someone can't see past the insecurities or weaknesses and see the beauty and strength in him or her?
I think that's how I'm beginning to feel about my sweet students. I know them and I know them well. I know what makes them tick. I know what voice to use and what words to say to each one, I know how to get them to work better, I know how to help them when they are having a bad day, I know exactly how they are feeling when they do that one face, or sit that certain way. I have come to love the unlovables, the ones who always seem to get into trouble or hurt others' feelings, the ones who steal or fight or cut others down. I have come to see behind all of that frontal misbehavior and see into their souls. I have begun to give hugs at any time-- who says I can't hug a student in the middle of something? Maybe it is exactly what that student needs at that moment to push through. I have become quite fond of my students, and I love them to pieces. I know they are my first round of kiddos and they will always hold a really special place in my life. I just can't stand the thought of them going from me, to hand them over to another capable educator here, who will probably do an amazing job as well. It's not that I don't trust that. It's just the fear of the unknown, the fear of someone not seeing the best in one of my students and bringing that out of them, the fear of someone not appreciating the fact that Kiwi celebrates far too enthusiastically about the vegetable that comes with the school lunch every morning by my door, someone not finding the angelic-ness in one of my roughest students and fueling it with constant praise and encouragement, someone not seeing the academic brilliance of one of my quiet students, someone not embracing the curiosity and constant questioning of one of my most knowledgeable and astounding minds. I see so much greatness and strength in each of my students. They have come so far and I want them to continue to be held to high expectations, to meet them, to feel like they can meet them.
I really am not trying to make it seem like I don't trust in the other teachers here. I am so ecstatic for them to get to know and love my kids. I think it's also that I just need to trust that they are not mine to keep, but they are all God's, whether they know or believe they are, or whether anyone reading thinks they are. I am using my freedom to say that I believe He has them in His hands and He will continue to be with them through everything, in everything, developing them into who they are supposed to be. It is with this trust that I am able to let go slowly, as the days continue to count down.
Instant sadness.
"Only 30 days left?" "What?!? 30 days? That's it?" "Can we make school longer?" "I don't want to leave!"
It's not only hard for my students to believe, but also for me, that there are only 6 weeks left of this school year. What a beautiful, messy, ordained year it has been. I have come to love a group of 20 students as if they were my own children, feeling more like a mother figure than an educator, students now with tears in their eyes not wanting to leave me.
Trust me, little ones, I don't want you to leave me, either.
I have realized that I am going to be one insane parent one day. I'm going to go nuts the day I have to drop them off in Kindergarten, or even preschool, or even with a babysitter. It amazes me that these parents and caregivers trust us as educators each day to take their children in and help them become who they are meant to be. What if someone can't do it? What if someone can't do it as well as I can, help my child see their potential and bring out the best in them? What if someone can't see past the insecurities or weaknesses and see the beauty and strength in him or her?
I think that's how I'm beginning to feel about my sweet students. I know them and I know them well. I know what makes them tick. I know what voice to use and what words to say to each one, I know how to get them to work better, I know how to help them when they are having a bad day, I know exactly how they are feeling when they do that one face, or sit that certain way. I have come to love the unlovables, the ones who always seem to get into trouble or hurt others' feelings, the ones who steal or fight or cut others down. I have come to see behind all of that frontal misbehavior and see into their souls. I have begun to give hugs at any time-- who says I can't hug a student in the middle of something? Maybe it is exactly what that student needs at that moment to push through. I have become quite fond of my students, and I love them to pieces. I know they are my first round of kiddos and they will always hold a really special place in my life. I just can't stand the thought of them going from me, to hand them over to another capable educator here, who will probably do an amazing job as well. It's not that I don't trust that. It's just the fear of the unknown, the fear of someone not seeing the best in one of my students and bringing that out of them, the fear of someone not appreciating the fact that Kiwi celebrates far too enthusiastically about the vegetable that comes with the school lunch every morning by my door, someone not finding the angelic-ness in one of my roughest students and fueling it with constant praise and encouragement, someone not seeing the academic brilliance of one of my quiet students, someone not embracing the curiosity and constant questioning of one of my most knowledgeable and astounding minds. I see so much greatness and strength in each of my students. They have come so far and I want them to continue to be held to high expectations, to meet them, to feel like they can meet them.
I really am not trying to make it seem like I don't trust in the other teachers here. I am so ecstatic for them to get to know and love my kids. I think it's also that I just need to trust that they are not mine to keep, but they are all God's, whether they know or believe they are, or whether anyone reading thinks they are. I am using my freedom to say that I believe He has them in His hands and He will continue to be with them through everything, in everything, developing them into who they are supposed to be. It is with this trust that I am able to let go slowly, as the days continue to count down.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Spring Break Means...
10 weeks until school is out for the year.
What? Didn't I just start doing this? Didn't I just have Meet the Teacher Night and nervously thumb through parent forms and sort school supplies while not making any conversation with my students because I wanted them to fear me?
Haha. I've come so far.
But this is what I have been learning this week: yes, I have come so far. But there is still so far to go. I'm excited for what that entails-- that if I feel like I finally have a flow, a sweet rhythm to my every day in the classroom, and it's just my first year...then it's only going to go up from here.
The year up to this point can be summed up in a few words: challenging, difficult, rewarding, joyful. I have enjoyed every single part of it-- the ups, the downs, the week before Christmas break; the days where I've had to step out and circle the school a few times to shed a few tears before returning to the classroom to find my kids doing Daily 5, working independently, engaged in their work, and laughing to myself... Why am I so worried? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Because my kids-- they are great.
I have taught them how to be independent learners and how to take charge of their own learning. This is a huge success for my students. This is a difficult thing to do for students, to instill in them the love of learning and create intrinsic, self motivation. They are now operating, I would venture to say, 90% of the time on their own. Their dependence on me is slim-- of course they still need me to take care of cuts, scrapes, mean older brothers and the sad times when the cafeteria is out of strawberry milk. They need me to teach them new information, to excite them about school and learning, to be silly with them and name our Smart Board DJ and blame him when things mess up technologically. But all of this aside, they have seriously taken responsibility for themselves as learners, and they tackle it all with finesse. I do not have prouder moments than when I have to leave the room to take care of an accident or borrow paint from another teacher, to return and find my students working as diligently as before, all over the carpet, tools and supplies everywhere, excited over spelling words or writing or math, what have you.
I think the kicker, though, is not that I credit myself for any of this. I have spent many moments crediting myself, only to find the next several days flat on my face. The credit has to be attributed to the one who creates, the one who is mighty to save. He has created me, made me into this teacher, given me the skills and patience and love necessary. He enables me to do all of this, and I can't say that it is me at all.
Spring break has been extremely lazy, relaxing, and full of reading, friends, music writing, and family time. I have enjoyed the time off, of course, and feel refreshed to finish the year out strong. I have 10 weeks left with these precious children who I have come to love as my own. And I am ready to make the most of them.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Kids Sure Do Love Themselves...
...good thing I love them back!
Preface: Today we had presentations of my class's first major project. They were to create a timeline of their life and bring it to school. Some of the projects I got were taller than me (literally). It was so refreshing to see how much thought and effort these kids put into the timelines of their precious little lives of only 6, 7, or 8 years.
Set-Up: I knew that the presentation time would be hard for 20 kids to sit through-- so I told them each to pick 3 of their favorite things from their timeline to share, and then ask at the end "Any questions?" to their classmates. They were to pick one student to ask 1 question and they could answer it.
Execution: These presentations were the cutest things I have ever seen. Think of your close friends in college or in the business world, preparing for a major presentation and getting antsy and nervous about it. Think of how much thought and time they put into their work. This is what I got today, but on a first grade level. These kids were beyond excited to talk about themselves, their lives, and see one another's timelines. They would not stop asking me all day long when we were going to do our presentations. One child I told him if he asked me one more time, he would pull his color. I know, I'm just terrible.
Here are some brief highlights from the presentations:
Boy Student: "And this is me, getting baptized!"
Students: "What is baptized?" "What does that mean?" "What happens when you are baptism?"
Boy Student: "Well. It means that God blessed me."
Students: "...What?" "What does that mean?"
Boy Student: "It means that God put his love on me. It means that he put love in me and in my heart and he blessed me."
Other boy student: "Yeah, the people at my church, they hold their noses like this and go underwater...(demonstrates the going-underwater-dance-move on the floor)"
Girl Student, who usually is painfully shy and you cannot hear very well, speaks loudly and swiftly: "This is me as a new big sister! And this is me as a baby when I was borned! And this is my first smile! When I was a baby! Any questions??"
Boy Student: "And this was my first trip to Africa, ever."
Other students: "WHOA. You went to Africa?" "Did you see animals? What ones?"
Boy Student: "Yeah, I did, I saw lots of animals...like...wild-a-beasts, giraffes, elephants...oh...and LIONS..."
Other boy student: "Are you saying...that you saw AFRICAN elephants?!"
"Yep. African elephants."
Third boy student: "So, like...what did the animals say when they talked?"
Last but not least, one of my students decked out their entire posterboard with "I <3 Miss Leiss" all over it. Even above the pictures of his family or his birth.
Thankful.
Preface: Today we had presentations of my class's first major project. They were to create a timeline of their life and bring it to school. Some of the projects I got were taller than me (literally). It was so refreshing to see how much thought and effort these kids put into the timelines of their precious little lives of only 6, 7, or 8 years.
Set-Up: I knew that the presentation time would be hard for 20 kids to sit through-- so I told them each to pick 3 of their favorite things from their timeline to share, and then ask at the end "Any questions?" to their classmates. They were to pick one student to ask 1 question and they could answer it.
Execution: These presentations were the cutest things I have ever seen. Think of your close friends in college or in the business world, preparing for a major presentation and getting antsy and nervous about it. Think of how much thought and time they put into their work. This is what I got today, but on a first grade level. These kids were beyond excited to talk about themselves, their lives, and see one another's timelines. They would not stop asking me all day long when we were going to do our presentations. One child I told him if he asked me one more time, he would pull his color. I know, I'm just terrible.
Here are some brief highlights from the presentations:
Boy Student: "And this is me, getting baptized!"
Students: "What is baptized?" "What does that mean?" "What happens when you are baptism?"
Boy Student: "Well. It means that God blessed me."
Students: "...What?" "What does that mean?"
Boy Student: "It means that God put his love on me. It means that he put love in me and in my heart and he blessed me."
Other boy student: "Yeah, the people at my church, they hold their noses like this and go underwater...(demonstrates the going-underwater-dance-move on the floor)"
Girl Student, who usually is painfully shy and you cannot hear very well, speaks loudly and swiftly: "This is me as a new big sister! And this is me as a baby when I was borned! And this is my first smile! When I was a baby! Any questions??"
Boy Student: "And this was my first trip to Africa, ever."
Other students: "WHOA. You went to Africa?" "Did you see animals? What ones?"
Boy Student: "Yeah, I did, I saw lots of animals...like...wild-a-beasts, giraffes, elephants...oh...and LIONS..."
Other boy student: "Are you saying...that you saw AFRICAN elephants?!"
"Yep. African elephants."
Third boy student: "So, like...what did the animals say when they talked?"
Last but not least, one of my students decked out their entire posterboard with "I <3 Miss Leiss" all over it. Even above the pictures of his family or his birth.
Thankful.
Monday, February 28, 2011
My Lunch with Kiwi
My students earn good choice sticks and can redeem them for prizes, and one of the things they can buy for 8 sticks is to eat lunch with me. This past Friday at lunch, I was honored with the opportunity to have lunch with Kiwi.
Having already entertained you with funny things he has said or done, I am so excited to share with you the following experience. This child did not stop talking nor entertaining me the entire lunch period. I wish I could have video taped the whole thing, or at least written down everything he was saying. From types of dinosaurs to Jesus to why he knows the things he knows, Kiwi brought me an immense amount of joy at lunch on Friday. Here are a few key quotes and moments with him:
(taking my Lean Cuisine pizza out of the microwave)
"Wow, Miss Leiss! You have a round pizza there!"
"I sure do."
"Man. I can't wait 'til I'M a teacher so that I can have round pizzas whenever I want! Every day even!"
"It's a pretty good deal. What do you want to teach?"
"Pre-school. I want to be a pre-school teacher, and now I'm just so excited about getting to have those round pizzas. ...Do you think I can have a bite of that round pizza?"
(discussing phonics lesson from the day before)
"Yeah, and Miss Leiss, I know that combination or says or like horse. Do you know how I know?"
"How do you know?"
"Because of my brain. (huge smile) It's a good one."
"Wow, Miss Leiss. I can't believe I get to eat on the STAGE today. I'm like a teacher already."
"You know, I bet this lunch would be a whoooole lot better if I had some kiwi to eat with it."
"Do you really like to eat kiwi?"
"YES! It's the best ever. My grandma made me try it and I'm so glad she did."
There are definitely days where I don't feel like allowing my students to eat lunch with me. It's the one time per day I get a break to myself without them besides my planning period, and sometimes it is so desperately needed. But then God gives me opportunities to spend time with these kids not in the context of teaching them digraphs or what a non-living thing is. I get to see their eyes sparkle when they talk about how they went to see monster trucks this weekend, how they got new shoes, or about how proud they are to be a new big brother. I'm really thankful for these lunch dates with my kids, and to be able to be human with them. I think kids really need that, for someone older to be real with them, to ask them questions and dig into their lives a little deeper, for us even as adults to answer questions and be a little more transparent when we are able to. These kids soak it all up-- they learn from us and our mistakes, they watch our every moves, they love TCU because I do, they think green is the greatest color because I love green, and they know I don't have any kids of my own so they tell me that they are my kids for now, and they will make sure I know that they love me.
Life is good.
Having already entertained you with funny things he has said or done, I am so excited to share with you the following experience. This child did not stop talking nor entertaining me the entire lunch period. I wish I could have video taped the whole thing, or at least written down everything he was saying. From types of dinosaurs to Jesus to why he knows the things he knows, Kiwi brought me an immense amount of joy at lunch on Friday. Here are a few key quotes and moments with him:
(taking my Lean Cuisine pizza out of the microwave)
"Wow, Miss Leiss! You have a round pizza there!"
"I sure do."
"Man. I can't wait 'til I'M a teacher so that I can have round pizzas whenever I want! Every day even!"
"It's a pretty good deal. What do you want to teach?"
"Pre-school. I want to be a pre-school teacher, and now I'm just so excited about getting to have those round pizzas. ...Do you think I can have a bite of that round pizza?"
(discussing phonics lesson from the day before)
"Yeah, and Miss Leiss, I know that combination or says or like horse. Do you know how I know?"
"How do you know?"
"Because of my brain. (huge smile) It's a good one."
"Wow, Miss Leiss. I can't believe I get to eat on the STAGE today. I'm like a teacher already."
"You know, I bet this lunch would be a whoooole lot better if I had some kiwi to eat with it."
"Do you really like to eat kiwi?"
"YES! It's the best ever. My grandma made me try it and I'm so glad she did."
There are definitely days where I don't feel like allowing my students to eat lunch with me. It's the one time per day I get a break to myself without them besides my planning period, and sometimes it is so desperately needed. But then God gives me opportunities to spend time with these kids not in the context of teaching them digraphs or what a non-living thing is. I get to see their eyes sparkle when they talk about how they went to see monster trucks this weekend, how they got new shoes, or about how proud they are to be a new big brother. I'm really thankful for these lunch dates with my kids, and to be able to be human with them. I think kids really need that, for someone older to be real with them, to ask them questions and dig into their lives a little deeper, for us even as adults to answer questions and be a little more transparent when we are able to. These kids soak it all up-- they learn from us and our mistakes, they watch our every moves, they love TCU because I do, they think green is the greatest color because I love green, and they know I don't have any kids of my own so they tell me that they are my kids for now, and they will make sure I know that they love me.
Life is good.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Bursting with Joy
The past two weeks have caused me to burst with joy at the seams. The snow week was a God-send, giving me a restful time with friends, family, and my savior. It was the Christmas break I didn't get to have-- full of peace, rest, and doing nothing because the roads wouldn't let you. I could not have been more thankful for the timing of this past week's snowmaggedon.
It allowed me to self-reflect and learn and grow. It enabled me to miss my students more than I thought possible, not in that I was dying to be at school, but in that I recognized how sad I would be without them in my life. God gave me the strength to see all of this, and I became determined to love them better than I have been. This past week has been overflowing with love, and I owe it all to our mighty king. I found myself surprised at how things were flowing out of my mouth at times. On Tuesday morning before class started I read some of Romans to start my morning, which said "The word is on your lips, and it is spoken in your heart." It was talking about how the word of God is not far from us; it remains in us and on our lips and hearts even when we are not reading it directly. God, I thank you for that truth. You are allowing your sweet word to drip from my mouth without me even thinking twice. You are so indescribably awesome.
This week, I feel like my call to teach has been confirmed. I feel like I've come so far this year in my first year of teaching. I look back at last semester and smile. I look back on my first month and laugh. Funny how you learn through doing, through experiencing things. I am so grateful to have a staff and school and team (and forgiving students!) that have supported me throughout this first go at teaching; they've let me fail, they've allowed me space and room to breathe and try new things, and they help me when I just can't anymore. It's the biggest blessing to be at a school where I love my colleagues and they love me back. Not to mention the support and enthusiasm they all bring.
Highlights of my week:
-One of my students' moms came to me after school and told me that they had been thinking about moving the past year or so. When asking her daughter this past week if she still wanted to move, my student replied, "Um, I really don't think so. I want to be able to stay at my school so I can still see Miss Leiss everyday."
-Our students are currently composing and writing their own books (I am so proud). They follow the "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly" format. Here are some of the precious things they've come up with:
"There was an old lady who swallowed a pumpkin. I don't know why she swallowed a pumpkin, perhaps she'll grow a chin."
"There was an old lady who swallowed a mummy. I don't know why she swallowed a mummy, perhaps it will fatten her tummy."
-We had our awards assembly on Tuesday morning, where I look to find one of my co-teacher's students lying passed out on the floor, sleeping. This student cracks me up everyday, and I know it's not funny that he was sleeping on the cafeteria floor, but...it is. I mean, the cold, hard, dirty, cafeteria floor, and this student was not just sleeping, but snoring. When we finally woke him up, he tiredly rose from the floor and looked down to find a puddle of drool on the cafeteria tile. He preceeded to wipe it up with his shirt. I could not hold it in. I was laughing all the way through 2nd grade awards.
I really love my job. God is so present here.
It allowed me to self-reflect and learn and grow. It enabled me to miss my students more than I thought possible, not in that I was dying to be at school, but in that I recognized how sad I would be without them in my life. God gave me the strength to see all of this, and I became determined to love them better than I have been. This past week has been overflowing with love, and I owe it all to our mighty king. I found myself surprised at how things were flowing out of my mouth at times. On Tuesday morning before class started I read some of Romans to start my morning, which said "The word is on your lips, and it is spoken in your heart." It was talking about how the word of God is not far from us; it remains in us and on our lips and hearts even when we are not reading it directly. God, I thank you for that truth. You are allowing your sweet word to drip from my mouth without me even thinking twice. You are so indescribably awesome.
This week, I feel like my call to teach has been confirmed. I feel like I've come so far this year in my first year of teaching. I look back at last semester and smile. I look back on my first month and laugh. Funny how you learn through doing, through experiencing things. I am so grateful to have a staff and school and team (and forgiving students!) that have supported me throughout this first go at teaching; they've let me fail, they've allowed me space and room to breathe and try new things, and they help me when I just can't anymore. It's the biggest blessing to be at a school where I love my colleagues and they love me back. Not to mention the support and enthusiasm they all bring.
Highlights of my week:
-One of my students' moms came to me after school and told me that they had been thinking about moving the past year or so. When asking her daughter this past week if she still wanted to move, my student replied, "Um, I really don't think so. I want to be able to stay at my school so I can still see Miss Leiss everyday."
-Our students are currently composing and writing their own books (I am so proud). They follow the "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly" format. Here are some of the precious things they've come up with:
"There was an old lady who swallowed a pumpkin. I don't know why she swallowed a pumpkin, perhaps she'll grow a chin."
"There was an old lady who swallowed a mummy. I don't know why she swallowed a mummy, perhaps it will fatten her tummy."
-We had our awards assembly on Tuesday morning, where I look to find one of my co-teacher's students lying passed out on the floor, sleeping. This student cracks me up everyday, and I know it's not funny that he was sleeping on the cafeteria floor, but...it is. I mean, the cold, hard, dirty, cafeteria floor, and this student was not just sleeping, but snoring. When we finally woke him up, he tiredly rose from the floor and looked down to find a puddle of drool on the cafeteria tile. He preceeded to wipe it up with his shirt. I could not hold it in. I was laughing all the way through 2nd grade awards.
I really love my job. God is so present here.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Just a Confession
This is just a me-confession. It's not full of witty one-liners from my precious students, but raw self-reflection. A little insight into the first grade teacher's current mindset. A little truth to be told and shared. I feel like Jesus told me to do this.
It's as if all the duties, guilt, and shortcomings of the week passed culminate to these very moments. I reflect on how I could have done more, read more, lived more of this gospel-life I am called to live. It's always about what I didn't do, what I didn't say, what I didn't pursue, how I messed up again and again. The weight and destructiveness of my sin becomes an all-too-real topic of writing. I lack understanding of grace on these days the most and wonder how our mighty savior would ever choose me as his own.
But he has, and thus I am called. To live according to this call, to take up my cross and get over myself and look only to him for security, for comfort, and for completion. I don't know why this all continues to be a difficult thing to do, but I suppose it always will be, or I would never need God.
Just one year ago, I was packing to board a plane to take me to Belgium for a spectacular month full of experiencing God in creation, other cultures, and in myself. I was living at Kaci and Kyle Barnes's house as a nanny. I was eagerly awaiting messages and Skype dates from a boy from California. I thought I was going to work at Sky Ranch upon graduation. I was captain of a dance team, churchless, and seeking newness and a life after TCU.
Now, one year later, I am living in Fort Worth, Texas, a city I have come to love more than I thought possible. I am living with 2 girls I never imagined I'd be living with, but who I love so dearly. I'm teaching first grade in one of the best districts in the state. I am single as I've ever been. I am churched and being the church, living in a community of believers daily, finally have a "group" of friends that I've always desired, and struggling to find the balance in my crazy life. My life is one huge question mark and there are no guarantees for anything, even my teaching job. That isn't even secure, sadly enough, because of how bad the economy is getting.
I just keep wondering what He's going to do next. I have no idea what to expect but I'm trying to be ready. I want to love Him more than anything or anyone or myself. I want to serve Him and give Him all of me, everything. Help me to do that, Father. Even when I don't feel like it. Help me to do it anyway. Help me get over myself and enjoy and delight in you.
I feel numb to it, but I know that You are worthy of all my affection.
Friday, January 14, 2011
In Remembrance of MLK, Jr...
This week (although I was out Monday for my grandmother's funeral, and Wednesday for my 2nd trip to the emergency room in the past 3 months), our class learned about the historic figure of Martin Luther King, Jr., or so I thought. My sub plans clearly indicated that I wanted my sub to teach the students vocabulary like freedom, equality, and justice, but none of those things were taught nor absorbed as information, as I found out quickly today when my students were having a little MLK quiz. I told them to put their pencil down, take their paper, and find the nearest trash can. They looked at me like I was crazy and thus began a paper shredding celebration that I shouldn't even write about on here.
However, some information was obtained by my little 6-year-old minds, and it was very interesting to hear what they had to say about civils right and Martin Luther King, Jr.
1. MLK Fact Writing
My students were instructed to write either something they learned about Martin Luther King, Jr. after watching a documentary in class, or to write about a dream that THEY have like MLK had a dream.
One of my students wrote, in all caps: I WANT TO GET MIRE AN STAT A NOW LIFE I LOVE YOU DR MARTIN." (I want to get married and start a new life I love you Dr. Martin).
Another wrote: "One day, I will make a BIG carnival."
I guess they kind of got the dream...thing.
2. Monday's Holiday
Kiwi was looking at our school lunch calendar for the day's lunch menu when he continued to look at the days to come. "Hm. Thursday and Friday we have half days! There is no lunch!....Hey! Guess what Miss Leiss? We are off Monday for MILK HOLIDAY!" (The calendar had written on Monday "MLK Holiday.") "No, Kiwi, not milk holiday. MLK stands for Martin Luther King, Jr." "Oh. So no milk holiday?"
3. Well, I didn't talk to him at first...
During our Martin Luther King quiz, before I decided to nix it, my students and I got into a discussion about equality (which, they were supposed to learn this week...it just didn't happen...next week looks good for it). I explained to my kids that in the past, people were not treated equally or the same because of the color of their skin. People were not nice to people with black skin or who were different from them. Kiwi decides to yell out at this time about one of our African American students: "Well, that's why I didn't talk to him at the beginning of the year." Me, startled, paused for a moment, grasping for words. I looked at him and said, "You didn't talk to our friend because of his skin color?" "NO, Miss Leiss, because he was mean. And quiet." "Ohh. Well, that's completely different..."
Foot-in-mouth syndrome occurs frequently in Classroom P104. As do naturally occurring misunderstandings and context errors. But, I think it's pretty cool that my kids don't really understand the concept behind MLK day. They don't get why people didn't love each other before, or why it even mattered what color your skin was. Even if technological America hasn't done that much right in the arena of our upcoming generations, I think that's one thing that we've all done well.
However, some information was obtained by my little 6-year-old minds, and it was very interesting to hear what they had to say about civils right and Martin Luther King, Jr.
1. MLK Fact Writing
My students were instructed to write either something they learned about Martin Luther King, Jr. after watching a documentary in class, or to write about a dream that THEY have like MLK had a dream.
One of my students wrote, in all caps: I WANT TO GET MIRE AN STAT A NOW LIFE I LOVE YOU DR MARTIN." (I want to get married and start a new life I love you Dr. Martin).
Another wrote: "One day, I will make a BIG carnival."
I guess they kind of got the dream...thing.
2. Monday's Holiday
Kiwi was looking at our school lunch calendar for the day's lunch menu when he continued to look at the days to come. "Hm. Thursday and Friday we have half days! There is no lunch!....Hey! Guess what Miss Leiss? We are off Monday for MILK HOLIDAY!" (The calendar had written on Monday "MLK Holiday.") "No, Kiwi, not milk holiday. MLK stands for Martin Luther King, Jr." "Oh. So no milk holiday?"
3. Well, I didn't talk to him at first...
During our Martin Luther King quiz, before I decided to nix it, my students and I got into a discussion about equality (which, they were supposed to learn this week...it just didn't happen...next week looks good for it). I explained to my kids that in the past, people were not treated equally or the same because of the color of their skin. People were not nice to people with black skin or who were different from them. Kiwi decides to yell out at this time about one of our African American students: "Well, that's why I didn't talk to him at the beginning of the year." Me, startled, paused for a moment, grasping for words. I looked at him and said, "You didn't talk to our friend because of his skin color?" "NO, Miss Leiss, because he was mean. And quiet." "Ohh. Well, that's completely different..."
Foot-in-mouth syndrome occurs frequently in Classroom P104. As do naturally occurring misunderstandings and context errors. But, I think it's pretty cool that my kids don't really understand the concept behind MLK day. They don't get why people didn't love each other before, or why it even mattered what color your skin was. Even if technological America hasn't done that much right in the arena of our upcoming generations, I think that's one thing that we've all done well.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
6 Year Old Truth
Today we had a free write. This is one of the papers I got back.
"Dear God,
I love you this much --> (drew a big heart). I'll love you everyday.
God, you are in my haret. I know you will keep the love going. Do you love to eat Kiwi?
Love, Kiwi"
A 6 year old childlike faith has caused me to re-evaluate the way I love God. And that, indeed, He will keep the love going, even when I don't.
Thankful.
"Dear God,
I love you this much --> (drew a big heart). I'll love you everyday.
God, you are in my haret. I know you will keep the love going. Do you love to eat Kiwi?
Love, Kiwi"
A 6 year old childlike faith has caused me to re-evaluate the way I love God. And that, indeed, He will keep the love going, even when I don't.
Thankful.
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