Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Never Want to Miss a Day of School Again.

I never want to miss a day of school again.

Oh wait...I'm out on Tuesday for math training.

Oh wait...I'm out next Wednesday for First Year Teacher Academy.

Oh...wait...I'm catching every single sickness that my children might even remotely carry in their tiny little bodies!

Sigh. I just hate missing school. Even in college, I never, if rarely, missed class. It was like a bone in my body that existed mainly to make me go to class. I never missed. Only if I was deathly ill.

I was out this past Friday and when I'm out, I feel like the world is crashing down. I luckily had a superb sub this time around, unlike the last time where the earth crumbled and all broke loose, and I feel like my kids did a great job with her. I got a really nice note from her. A few things were unkempt around the room but not too much. Not like the last time...thank heavens.

But still, I REALLLLY hate missing school. I hate being away from my students, and I hate feeling like I have to catch up. I feel like that's what most of this year has been so far for me-- starting from scratch, having to basically catch up constantly as more and more things are thrown at me. I feel like I've been doing a good job and I'm not drowning by any means, but the ice is getting thinner. I know I'm a first year teacher and it's not supposed to be perfect, and it's not even contended to be a "good year"-- but I want to be good! I want to defy the odds. I want to prove wrong the theories and common conceptions that first year teachers suck.

I also feel like I really need to be here for my kids. I need to be consistent in their lives. I can't disappear or run out on them, I need to be here, and I hate when I'm not. I need to have more grace on myself, but my grace is running low. God is always sufficient, I need to keep reminding myself.

Things just aren't the same when you miss a day of school. You have to pick up the pieces and start all over, it seems. I just hope tomorrow is a good day. Like my kids and I sing every morning, "I'm gonna make today a great day!"

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